Listen. I liked our little fantasy life. But it made me realize... That version of John and Lottie, they didn't know shit about the Duchess or torture or monsters or necromancy. I think that's what I wanted from you, when we were together, the illusion of normalcy. And, yeah.
[ Treated her badly when he didn't get it, when he couldn't maintain it. ]
[ It's a little rough to hear it, his honesty. Lottie doesn't bother to hide the weird mishmash of emotions that hit her when she churns over his words. ]
sorry im just thinking
[ She sends, after a few minutes of silence pass. ]
was that kind of always what you wanted? since you first met me? to feel normal and not like.. you're stuck here? or did you like me for me and the rest just happened?
I mean, on the one hand, you ref'd Naked and Afraid. Which I used to watch, a long time ago. Fucking nostalgic. But it wasn't just that. It's not like I was just putting up with you. You're not like anybody else, and yeah, part of that's bc of where and when you were born, but part of that's just you?
Dunno if that makes sense. It's too tangled for me to say it's one thing and not the other.
fountain valley ca grew up w/ my 2 sisters & mom and daddy I'm 29 but 26 was a nice guess
Look i mean.. It makes sense. what ur saying.. I get it i think what i just cant? maybe dont? get is how you said im not like anybody else and you made me feel like that yeah but in the end you treated me worse than everyone else like i just didnt mean anything at all
i mean was i really just 'fun' to you? obviously we werent going to be #jottie but i felt like there was something there between us am i just crazy?
"We said it would be casual and never discussed changing the terms". "We've only known each other a few months". Both of those things are technically true, but I only said stuff like that to make you think you were overreacting.
You ever see those movies where a girl goes on holiday to a tropical island or something, and she can be whoever she wants to be while she's there, and this holiday version of her has a little fling with a stranger from another country? Her feelings are real, but he only likes a construction.
I like being the guy in the fantasy, but the real me has lived a lot longer and done some fucked up shit, the kind you can't get past with a notepad apology and a crying Tik Tok.
[ She gnaws at her bottom lip. Her relief spills out in waves but for once, she keeps it to herself. Lottie isn't crazy, but that revelation doesn't make this any easier and in turn her exhaustion, her thoughts, grow. Wanda was right. John is dumb. No matter the thousands of years he's lived and breathed, he is dumb.
..But he's being honest. Vulnerable. He mentions the real me and Lottie feels an odd sort of kinship she hasn't felt in a long time. ]
i still want to know the real john or whatever you'll tell me
i know stuff like that isn't easy to just spill esp after everything. but you need to let me decide that stuff for myself u know? what i can handle, what i want to handle what is and isn't good for me
bc yeah maybe you did show me a version of you that wasn't the fucked up shit you did but that's still you that's still john. john who was nice and funny and cheeky who always knows what to say and is a lot more caring than he'd give himself credit for john who is sometimes so awkward he's cuter than he already is bc there's no tik tok or notepad or the things either of us did here we're not all defined by our past. and we're living in the now does that make sense?
[ Lottie is smarter than he ever really gave her credit for, which makes him feel a bit guilty... but saying so is a level of honesty too far. Besides, there's more important stuff to say. ]
It makes sense.
[ Actively affirming, not wanting to slip back into mind games or retreat into ambiguity he can lean on later. ]
I revisited a lot of my history in the void, it's all feeling very fresh, but I think I'd like to be back in town and get a good meal and some sleep before any self-excavation. Maybe we could talk irl?
Let's say you just have it. You don't know what it does. You don't have any powers or way to know how to use it. And you don't know who you could trust not to overpower you and take it.
Do you experiment? Ask for help? Hand it over? Something else I'm not seeing?
can she tell i have it? if she cant then im keeping the all sight we still 'went' on the expedition like everyone wanted no one is mad and our standing in town is still good so we can survive while i figure out how to do the all sight yay! tbc etc etc
right like is it even really hers? was that even established for sure? Lol like what if this all sight belonged to someone else who tried to take it away & got lost in the void.. #dark
ty tho!! i thought very long and hard about it β¨
(plan b was to have wanda make a copy and give it to her & we just keep the real one)
(also i figured. fwiw i dont have it either! just rubbernecking like you are anything interesting so far??)
We really didn't get enough information when we agreed to this. I imagine that's part of why she created the formal occasion and the human statues and the very specific dishes, it threw people off guard.
[ There it isβ the dinner. The castle. Lottie knows it's something that tends to come up with mention of the Duchess, but still.
She pauses for a few beats longer than she should, wondering whether it's appropriate to mention she had a terrible time at dinner due to those Very Specific Dishes (when she had to find a seat by herself in a crowd of less hot peopleβ awkward!) or if she thought the statues were weird (John, John was a statueβ awkward!!). ]
well it worked we literally know nothing other than she was like us once ig
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rubilykskoye π²π·π«πΈπ π¬
no subject
Listen. I liked our little fantasy life. But it made me realize... That version of John and Lottie, they didn't know shit about the Duchess or torture or monsters or necromancy. I think that's what I wanted from you, when we were together, the illusion of normalcy. And, yeah.
[ Treated her badly when he didn't get it, when he couldn't maintain it. ]
no subject
sorry im just thinking
[ She sends, after a few minutes of silence pass. ]
was that kind of always what you wanted?
since you first met me?
to feel normal and not like.. you're stuck here?
or did you like me for me and the rest just happened?
no subject
I mean, on the one hand, you ref'd Naked and Afraid. Which I used to watch, a long time ago. Fucking nostalgic. But it wasn't just that. It's not like I was just putting up with you. You're not like anybody else, and yeah, part of that's bc of where and when you were born, but part of that's just you?
Dunno if that makes sense. It's too tangled for me to say it's one thing and not the other.
no subject
grew up w/ my 2 sisters & mom and daddy
I'm 29
but 26 was a nice guess
Look i mean.. It makes sense. what ur saying.. I get it
i think what i just cant? maybe dont? get is how you said im not like anybody else and you made me feel like that yeah but
in the end you treated me worse than everyone else
like i just didnt mean anything at all
i mean was i really just 'fun' to you?
obviously we werent going to be #jottie but
i felt like there was something there between us
am i just crazy?
no subject
"We said it would be casual and never discussed changing the terms". "We've only known each other a few months". Both of those things are technically true, but I only said stuff like that to make you think you were overreacting.
You ever see those movies where a girl goes on holiday to a tropical island or something, and she can be whoever she wants to be while she's there, and this holiday version of her has a little fling with a stranger from another country? Her feelings are real, but he only likes a construction.
I like being the guy in the fantasy, but the real me has lived a lot longer and done some fucked up shit, the kind you can't get past with a notepad apology and a crying Tik Tok.
no subject
..But he's being honest. Vulnerable. He mentions the real me and Lottie feels an odd sort of kinship she hasn't felt in a long time. ]
i still want to know the real john
or whatever you'll tell me
i know stuff like that isn't easy to just spill
esp after everything. but you need to let me decide that stuff for myself u know?
what i can handle, what i want to handle
what is and isn't good for me
bc yeah maybe you did show me a version of you that wasn't the fucked up shit you did but that's still you
that's still john. john who was nice and funny and cheeky
who always knows what to say and is a lot more caring than he'd give himself credit for
john who is sometimes so awkward he's cuter than he already is
bc there's no tik tok or notepad or the things either of us did here
we're not all defined by our past. and we're living in the now
does that make sense?
no subject
It makes sense.
[ Actively affirming, not wanting to slip back into mind games or retreat into ambiguity he can lean on later. ]
I revisited a lot of my history in the void, it's all feeling very fresh, but I think I'd like to be back in town and get a good meal and some sleep before any self-excavation. Maybe we could talk irl?
no subject
yeah! i'd like that
if it's cool i mean
lmk when you're all good and we can work out a time or smth?
no subject
[ and then so i don't have to start a new thread, a day or so later, back in the wandaween town. ]
What would you do if you had the All Sight anyway?
no subject
u mean if it didn't for sure kill me if i used it?
or absorbed it w/e
no subject
Do you experiment? Ask for help? Hand it over? Something else I'm not seeing?
no subject
can she tell i have it?
if she cant then im keeping the all sight
we still 'went' on the expedition like everyone wanted
no one is mad and our standing in town is still good
so we can survive while i figure out how to do the all sight
yay! tbc etc etc
no subject
Anyway, I agree. Good call.
(I don't have the All Sight, fyi, just attempting to reason through other people's perspectives. Reading the YT comments and opinion pieces. Etc.)
no subject
was that even established for sure? Lol
like what if this all sight belonged to someone else who tried to take it away & got lost in the void.. #dark
ty tho!! i thought very long and hard about it β¨
(plan b was to have wanda make a copy and give it to her & we just keep the real one)
(also i figured. fwiw i dont have it either! just rubbernecking like you are
anything interesting so far??)
no subject
We really didn't get enough information when we agreed to this. I imagine that's part of why she created the formal occasion and the human statues and the very specific dishes, it threw people off guard.
no subject
She pauses for a few beats longer than she should, wondering whether it's appropriate to mention she had a terrible time at dinner due to those Very Specific Dishes (when she had to find a seat by herself in a crowd of less hot peopleβ awkward!) or if she thought the statues were weird (John, John was a statueβ awkward!!). ]
well
it worked
we literally know nothing other than she was like us once ig
wonder how many times she's pulled that one lol